Last night I ventured to a 80’s themed Halloween party.  Not knowing many people I fell back on my social lubricant, shots of whatever alcohol they offered up.  Ummm Vodka… Jill would be proud… Ketel One… so at least it was shots of quality alcohol.  This along with an empty stomach lead to a VERY drunk Erin.  Earlier in the evening I was introduced to some guy… Nice guy but not my type… Yes I know a very shallow sentiment considering that long list of qualities I posted… none of which had anything to do with looks!

But as per usual Drunk Erin = Flirty Erin  and that leads to Sluty Erin…..

This is not my problem…. it was fun to drag some guy back to my house ( well he drive but….) and happily have my way with him. The sex was forgettable, nothing to exciting but nothing horrible.  So there was the forgettable tussle and then a happy drunk Erin fell asleep…. But apparently Mister forgettable couldn’t sleep or didn’t sleep or whatever… At 6 am He became Mr. Chatterbox… bla bla bla Ocean… bla bla bla breeze.. bla bla bla bla bla.. nothing was important or interesting or thought provoking .. just talking.  Now I understand.. this poor guy was stuck in my house, got his sex and now just wanted to go home!  He was dependent on me to drive him back to his truck so was strained.  Seriously though enough with the constant verbal drool…

I tried sex to get him to shut up but nothing worked.  The only way to shut him up was to drag my self out of bed at 7 am and take him back to his car.

In truth most people don’t have anything interesting to say.  Yours truly included.  Yet we have figured out how to display the unremarkable thoughts, this verbal droll, these nonsensical thoughts for other unremarkables to read.  Who cares what Big Jim thought about the latest football game or Susie Ann’s new knitting project.  Even my endless chatter about my insipid problems are not necessary for people to read… is it helpful to talk and hope that someone listens? Even if what your saying means nothing?  Are people so lonely that they need to say something and have it recognized?

Or do people not understand that what they are spewing all over the internet is not important… Did Mr. Chatterbox feel like he was adding to my life by talking at me for an hour.. or was he using the talk as a torture tool to get me out of bed, which I gota tell you was unnecessary….. either way a new rule… No talking while I’m still sleeping.  If you get sex then I get peace. Just a few moments away from the constant talking.

So I’ve been told that my problem is not motivation.   Motivation is the desire to do something… and I desire! I desire to finish my PhD, I have desire to get in good shape, I have desire to be everything I’ve always dreamed.  My problem is not motivation it’s commitment.  Commitment is when you actually do what you are motivated to do.  Sooo I’m motivated to plant a winter garden but am I committed?  Have I gone outside on this blustery day and turned over my grass into dirt for planting? No… no I haven’t….. But what am I committed to?  What have I done today? I have watched TV, I have slept, and I have eaten… ice cream.  So I am committed… to being lazy.  This is not what my therapist says being committed to my values.  I do not value TV… I do value ice cream but not in favor of eating it all day long.

So how do I become committed?  How do I stay true to my values and accomplish all of my goals?  My method at the moment isn’t working so I need a new one.  My therapist says I need to schedule in my tasks. Actually put them in my phone and set and alarm to remind me that they are there….. waiting…..okay… I can do that.

For now however I”m going to take a shower and begin again! I’m going to start all over again with a shower! After that I’m going to a concert with my friend and enjoy myself….. fun and fun

maybe get some food! Food would be good

Okay! I’m scheduling in food! and scheduling in commitment!

I have now owned my wonderful cozy home for one year! I love my home… the hard wood floors, the brightly colored walls, the clean white base boards…. I did this all myself! Yes there are things I need to fix:

Paint the kitchen Ceiling/ put baseboards in the kitchen

Paint the laundry room

Do something with the ‘lawn’ I have outside… put in drought tolerant native plants

Ohhh get copper pipping in my house

get a continuous water heater It’s more energy efficient

Plant a second tree

Yes yes yes lots of items on this list….

But during this year I have learned a few things…. You see I started in therapy… and I’m supposed to work on looking at life on both sides of the coin.  So I’m looking at everything I have done with my lovely house in the past year…. another list:

Painting, baseboards, curtains, light fixtures, ceiling fans, leather couches, coffee table, TV stand, new bed, fridge, stove, washer dryer, a succulent garden, pomegranate tree, honeysuckle vine, lavender……

There is so much in life that I haven’t done or feel like I haven’t done well or that I’m always doing something wrong.  I’m constantly telling myself I haven’t done this or that right and soon everyone will hate me….. but if you flip the coin I’ve done something else… that means something else… that could be even better then what I was beating myself up about.

So I’m trying to flip the coin!  Here’s me… flipping the coin!

1. Politically aware and active…. not too active but VERY aware! He should care about the world issues, about social issues and historical political issues

2. Environmental– He needs to care about what’s happening in the environment.  He needs to work towards being more green but not fanatic about it… no bombing, no PETA ,… he should want to save water but not to the point he won’t take showers with me.

3. He needs to appreciate me as I am and not want what I could be!

4. I want him to push me to be a better person because of the way he lives NOT by being pushy.

5. He needs to like the outdoors…. Not be an outdoor nut ( no grizzly Adams) but he should like to hike/camp/backpack even if he hasn’t gone in awhile

6. He must be willing to play in a fountain

7. He should want to do everything and be willing to do anything

8. He needs to not care so much about what others think that he changes himself but he should care enough that he doesn’t want to make people uncomfortable

9. He should stand up for others and stand up for me

10. He should be supportive of my dreams

11. He should be supportive of his dreams

12. He needs to have dreams

13. He needs to understand my references

14. He MUST love animals especially mine!

15. He should be a great huger and a good kisser

16. He needs to be creative in bed and enjoy me in bed…. We need to enjoy each other in bed

17. He needs to get along with my friends

18. He needs to have his own friends and hobbies

19. He needs to have a job he enjoys

20. He needs to be able to love me

I went to see Milk yesterday.  The story about the first openly gay man, Harvey Milk, elected to political office.  He was, of course, the city supervisor of San Francisco.  He put together an ordanance to protect gay rights and fought against the Briggs Initiative which would strip gay teachers of their jobs.  It was eery watching Harvey’s team color in the countys turn green ( against) and red (for)…. It might as well have been Novemeber 2, 2008.. Watching in horror as our great state made it a consitutional amendment to keep two adult from marrying.  In Milk, the Briggs Initiative did not pass.  It was a great victory for the homosexual movement.  As Milk says in the movie ” This is not my issue…This is my life!”  How true… how very true.  This man saw a need for change that started with one ruined roll of film and turned into a strong political movement that today stands strong. Milk began at age 40…. and was shot before his 50th birthday.

I’m 29… I will be turning 30 … well soon.  What have I done? What changes have I made?  I left this movie filled with the need to change the world.. Yes I thought! Pick an issue and fight for it! Join a club, start a club!

But what would my issue be? As a typical liberal I find that my simpathies seem to be split into many directions.

Endangered Species… This one is an obvious interest of mine.  The reason I’m in a PhD program is to conduct research that will help wildlife reproduce, both in the wild and captiveity.  So great! That’s hat I’ll fight for! Give to the Roots and Shoots program through Jane Goodall Foundation.  A program to help small communities around the Gombe national forest so they stop chopping down the home of the Chipanzees…

Or give to WWF, World Wildlife Fund…. UG

But wait… I also care about the Environment

Do I get solar panels for my home? Bike everywhere like my sainted Ex “Mr. Perfect”? Compost..Recycle.. Join R4 , the UC Davis recycling program??  Now I do recycle ( I have the bin), I’m putting up a compost pile… I used environmentally friendly paint and cleaners… that’s not enough.. Would Harvey Milk have stopped at that??

But wait…. What about Reproductive health

I’m a strong component of the right for women to choose what to do with their bodies.  THis includes sex education, free contraceptives and thr right to abortion…

Do I give to Planed Parenthood?  My dear friend Jill does that?? Do I join a program that brings education to inner city kids… Do I start a counseling group for young women and men who want to understand their bodies….

Buit Wait… What about health care, workers rights, ocean health, national parks, education, the growing epidemic of illiteracy…….

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

And that’s when I become overwhelmed.  My darling friend Beth started a food drive during the holidays and brought in at least 2 tons of food for local banks.

My amazing friend Abby runs Ag against Hunger, a program that provides fresh produce to food banks…

I.. I go to class… Teach UC Students and drink beer…..

Well I can fix somethings… I fixed a lamp that was broken… now it won’t go into a landfill and I won’t buy another and support big companies that don’t care for their employees…..

It’s a start

Oh and I washed my face and brushed my teeth last night before bed and then again this morning!!

It is now 2009.  I am in the UC Davis Animal Biology PhD program… Sold my soul to this program so that I may one day achieve my goals, dreams.  With my knowledge and power I will change the world (in 5 years).  For now I’m dealing with the small changes I need to make in my life……..

1. Focus on “WILL POWER”

Things that I know I need to do.. study, clean, wash my face/brush my teeth at night, exercise… all fall into the will power category.  I need to focus on what drives me. Why don’t I clean my car? or even take the trash out when I get home!  Why? Why don’t I clean my house? or my rabbit cage?  Why don’t I stop eating when I’m not hungry??

Now that I have all these questions I’m going to put my plan into action.  First I signed up for a running class and a swimming class so that I have a forced exercise regime.  Monday, Wednesday…. running. Tuesday, Thursday…. Swimming.  If I’m forced into activity for three months I’m hoping I’ll crave it when the quarter ends.  or I’ll just take another class…

Now for the house cleaning… I’m going to clean one room per day…

Monday— Kitchen

Tuesday– Bathroom

Wednesday– Bedroom

Thursday– Living room

Friday– pet room

Every other week on Tuesday I’ll also be cleaning my guest room for Jill!

Okay now car… Every two weeks (before Jill comes in) I’ll be taking it to a car wash unless it starts to get to expensive.. then I’ll reevaluate!

As for face washing/brushing my teeth??? I’m going to try and enjoy it? That may have to wait until next year….

Hello all,

I’m supposed to be finishing/starting my statistics midterm.  Instead I write about the amazing very unstatistical occurances that have happened.  Obama has won.  We have an African- American man in the white house.  He is actually an African American as his dad came from Africa.  We have seen our country change these past 8 years.  We have seen the chirstain right serge forward and fight to take away human rights.  They are attacking abortion, gay marraige, free speech, immigration, socialized health care, the endangered species act, national parks, environmental laws and on and on and on….

Now they have meet their match.  The cruel, wicked, heartlessness people will now have to take a seat to well another batch of heartless people.  Just these people want to look like the ACTUALLY care.

I sat in a bar in Davis and jumped up and down when the states flashed blue.  Everyone got a tad bit teary eyed when our next president spoke using three sylable words…and pronounced them correctly.  We can only cross our fingers and hope that this man will live up to his hype.  Will fight the ignorance and dumbing down of America that has marked our country for 8 very long years!

Unfortunately, California passed proposition 8, a ban on gay marriage.  California passed a law to protect chickens but, two people in love have been forbiden to marry.  It is a very sad turn of events and makes one question if California is really all THAT progressive.  Although we didn’t ban them from adopting which is what happened in Arkansas.

Well lets hope that our future is more enlightened and we will be lifted out of the dark ages!!

Back to Stats

Now that my “Work Weekend” is over, my stats homework done, and all quiz grades entered I will be educating myself on the propositions.. Yes I know what I’m supposed to vote for.. well against really but, what do they REALLY mean??

Proposition 1A– High Speed Train– Erin says YES

This is for a 9.95 billion bond obligation.

Who’s supporting it: Legue of conservation voters, California Nurses etc….

http://www.californiahighspeedtrains.com/

I’m pro this! Go public transport, down with oil and poluting cars!

Proposition 2 — Farm Animal Welfare– Erin say “No”

This kills me to say no but, the infrasture isn’t around to support housing laying hens without cages.  There are people at Davis working on chicken welfare with chicken producers but, this proposition may push them out of the state.  They can then do whatever they want to these little feather lovers.

NOt enough science to make this work…

Costs: Only to producers.. although egg/pork/veal prices may increase

Who’s against : UC Davis, Los Angeles Times, San Francisco Chronicle

Who’s for: Humane Society, Toby Maguire

Proposition 3 : Children’s Hospital Bond Act– Erin says YES

Funds construction of children’s hospitals

Cost: $980 million

Who’s for it: Los Angeles Times

Against: National Tax Limitation committee

Come on money for sick kids?? Who can say no to that!

Proposition 4— Abortion waiting period and parental notification initiative — Erin says NO, NO NO

PROHIBIT abortion for up to 48 hours AFTER parental notification!!! Erin saysthis is wrong!! Another chunk out of our female rights! BAD BAD

Cost: Only to the feminine reproduictive rights

Who’s for: Gov. Arnold Schwarzeneggar ,

Who’s against:  American Academy of Pediatrics, California Teachers Association

Proposition 5 — Non violent rehabilitation— Erin says… Yes I think…

I’m pro the rehabilitation of drug users.. taking them out of the system more quickly and making them productive members of society..

However, the negitives are a very expensive rehab program that we really can’t afford, may be used to get out of being charged for real crimes by saying drugs made me do it….

But I think I’m sticking with YES

Pro: Drug Policy alliance network

Against: Gray Davis and Pete Wilson

Proposition 6 — Tougher sentancing on gang related youth– Erin Says NO

Basically this proposition takes money from schools so we can put kids in prision! NO!!

For: The California State Sheriffs’ Association,

Against: The League of Women Voters AND MANY OTHERS

Proposition 7 — Renewable energy– Erin says NO

This one pains me to say no just like 2… but the technology isn’t around to support this ballot.  Setting us up to fail… Just like Prop 2

Against:  Everyone.. Republican and Democrate parties… even the Sierra Club

Proposition 8 — California Maraiage protection act– Erin says NO NO NO!!

Denying people the right to marrage is WRONG!!!

Even though I wasn’t planning on doing it others should be able to!!!

Proposition 9 — Victim’s rights and protection act– Erin says NO

Apparently this has already been passed in 1982 with proposition 8… So very little would amount from this.

Against: California Teachers association

Proposition 10 –  California Alternative Fuels– Erin says NO

Same as prop 7… not enough technology….

Proposition 11 — Voters FIRST act— Erin says NO

This is to redistrict California.. drawing lines  to change votes… Not good… besides have the public decide anything.. this is NOT good!!

For: League of Women Voters, AARP

Against: Barbara Boxer, and Nancy Pelosi

Proposition 12 — Farms for Veterans— Erin says YES

I’m pro giving people the right to buy houses.. seeing as I just did it… but they’re on their own with the painting!! I’m still trying to get mine done…..

For: Gov.. Arnie again!!

Against: The Libertarian Party of California

Well good luck to all!! MAKE SURE YOU VOTE!!!

This weekend I was to spend the whole time working on my house.  Yes I was to paint, remove linoleum, fix my plumbing, move my gas line and get my stove.  I even had a dear friend heading up to help with my heafty load of work…. He also was to help with my needing sex problem.  What happened do you ask?

Friday woke up with a horrible cold and my period

The plumber came and moved my gas line… Note:If you need to move a gas line you use a plumber to do it.

My stove came!! and was hooked up to my newly moved gas line woo hoo

Then I took my dear friend on a tour of Davis…..

and fell asleep

Saturday — still to sick to do anything but lay on the couch

Except when my Uncle Paul and Cousin ANdy came over with my new guest bed ( I was still in PJ’s).. not fun to answer the door in PJ’s with strange man standing behind you and Uncle on the other side… at least I put a bra on before they came over…. was not expecting Uncle Paul

Saturday night took Friend to the STAG.. he drank too much….

SOOOO

Sunday he threw up all day long

Yes yes all in all a good weekends work!

Hello all,

At 2pm on Thursday October 16,2008 my amazing cousin Laura gave birth to the most lovely little girl I have ever seen.

At 5:30 am I received an email from Laura, we were to go see The Duchess with Kira (needs to eat a sandwich) Knightly.  Movie’s at 4:35pm I’ll meet you there she said.  That day I had left my phone at home so I figured I would just meet her at the movie… We can all see where this is going.. note the time we were supposed to see the movie and the time she gave birth…

Yes after waiting for 20 mins.. buying a ticket… walking up and down the isles to find my very pregnant cousin I went home…

And found 1 call from her, 5 calls from her husband, 1 from her mom ( My Aunt Paula) and then 1 from my mom.  I figured something must be up!  I finally got to her and my poor Laura looked tired, beautiful but, tired.  I love her and love my new baby …okay not niece, umm second cousin… I know, I know..not the most closely related in the genetic line but something in me loves her.  She has lovely, long toes and didn’t wake up the whole time I was their but, none the less.. I love her.  I’m amazed that she was once a clump of cells, she was one germ cells ( egg and sperm) and now my darling Laura has created, with the help of Andy, a little creature…. This is why I love reproduction… how perfect is the creation of a life.. a little thing with toe nails and hair… AHHH Don’t get me wrong.. I have NO desire to house one of those little parasites in my womb.. I will not be pushing ANYTHING out of my special place!  I heard about all of the horrible things that can happen and did happen… and ACK I mean it’s wrong… but now I have both Avery Ellen and Olivia Claire ( my dearest friend Abby’s baby) and I can play with them.

Well enough about babies…

They are funny little alien looking things with very big heads and little chins.  They get gas, have yellow poop, and spend most of their time latched on to a boob!  They’re just like the men I date HA!

Welcome to the world my new little friends!