PhD student with equity

Last night I ventured to a 80’s themed Halloween party.  Not knowing many people I fell back on my social lubricant, shots of whatever alcohol they offered up.  Ummm Vodka… Jill would be proud… Ketel One… so at least it was shots of quality alcohol.  This along with an empty stomach lead to a VERY drunk Erin.  Earlier in the evening I was introduced to some guy… Nice guy but not my type… Yes I know a very shallow sentiment considering that long list of qualities I posted… none of which had anything to do with looks!

But as per usual Drunk Erin = Flirty Erin  and that leads to Sluty Erin…..

This is not my problem…. it was fun to drag some guy back to my house ( well he drive but….) and happily have my way with him. The sex was forgettable, nothing to exciting but nothing horrible.  So there was the forgettable tussle and then a happy drunk Erin fell asleep…. But apparently Mister forgettable couldn’t sleep or didn’t sleep or whatever… At 6 am He became Mr. Chatterbox… bla bla bla Ocean… bla bla bla breeze.. bla bla bla bla bla.. nothing was important or interesting or thought provoking .. just talking.  Now I understand.. this poor guy was stuck in my house, got his sex and now just wanted to go home!  He was dependent on me to drive him back to his truck so was strained.  Seriously though enough with the constant verbal drool…

I tried sex to get him to shut up but nothing worked.  The only way to shut him up was to drag my self out of bed at 7 am and take him back to his car.

In truth most people don’t have anything interesting to say.  Yours truly included.  Yet we have figured out how to display the unremarkable thoughts, this verbal droll, these nonsensical thoughts for other unremarkables to read.  Who cares what Big Jim thought about the latest football game or Susie Ann’s new knitting project.  Even my endless chatter about my insipid problems are not necessary for people to read… is it helpful to talk and hope that someone listens? Even if what your saying means nothing?  Are people so lonely that they need to say something and have it recognized?

Or do people not understand that what they are spewing all over the internet is not important… Did Mr. Chatterbox feel like he was adding to my life by talking at me for an hour.. or was he using the talk as a torture tool to get me out of bed, which I gota tell you was unnecessary….. either way a new rule… No talking while I’m still sleeping.  If you get sex then I get peace. Just a few moments away from the constant talking.

So I’ve been told that my problem is not motivation.   Motivation is the desire to do something… and I desire! I desire to finish my PhD, I have desire to get in good shape, I have desire to be everything I’ve always dreamed.  My problem is not motivation it’s commitment.  Commitment is when you actually do what you are motivated to do.  Sooo I’m motivated to plant a winter garden but am I committed?  Have I gone outside on this blustery day and turned over my grass into dirt for planting? No… no I haven’t….. But what am I committed to?  What have I done today? I have watched TV, I have slept, and I have eaten… ice cream.  So I am committed… to being lazy.  This is not what my therapist says being committed to my values.  I do not value TV… I do value ice cream but not in favor of eating it all day long.

So how do I become committed?  How do I stay true to my values and accomplish all of my goals?  My method at the moment isn’t working so I need a new one.  My therapist says I need to schedule in my tasks. Actually put them in my phone and set and alarm to remind me that they are there….. waiting…..okay… I can do that.

For now however I”m going to take a shower and begin again! I’m going to start all over again with a shower! After that I’m going to a concert with my friend and enjoy myself….. fun and fun

maybe get some food! Food would be good

Okay! I’m scheduling in food! and scheduling in commitment!

Hello all,

I’m supposed to be finishing/starting my statistics midterm.  Instead I write about the amazing very unstatistical occurances that have happened.  Obama has won.  We have an African- American man in the white house.  He is actually an African American as his dad came from Africa.  We have seen our country change these past 8 years.  We have seen the chirstain right serge forward and fight to take away human rights.  They are attacking abortion, gay marraige, free speech, immigration, socialized health care, the endangered species act, national parks, environmental laws and on and on and on….

Now they have meet their match.  The cruel, wicked, heartlessness people will now have to take a seat to well another batch of heartless people.  Just these people want to look like the ACTUALLY care.

I sat in a bar in Davis and jumped up and down when the states flashed blue.  Everyone got a tad bit teary eyed when our next president spoke using three sylable words…and pronounced them correctly.  We can only cross our fingers and hope that this man will live up to his hype.  Will fight the ignorance and dumbing down of America that has marked our country for 8 very long years!

Unfortunately, California passed proposition 8, a ban on gay marriage.  California passed a law to protect chickens but, two people in love have been forbiden to marry.  It is a very sad turn of events and makes one question if California is really all THAT progressive.  Although we didn’t ban them from adopting which is what happened in Arkansas.

Well lets hope that our future is more enlightened and we will be lifted out of the dark ages!!

Back to Stats

This weekend I was to spend the whole time working on my house.  Yes I was to paint, remove linoleum, fix my plumbing, move my gas line and get my stove.  I even had a dear friend heading up to help with my heafty load of work…. He also was to help with my needing sex problem.  What happened do you ask?

Friday woke up with a horrible cold and my period

The plumber came and moved my gas line… Note:If you need to move a gas line you use a plumber to do it.

My stove came!! and was hooked up to my newly moved gas line woo hoo

Then I took my dear friend on a tour of Davis…..

and fell asleep

Saturday — still to sick to do anything but lay on the couch

Except when my Uncle Paul and Cousin ANdy came over with my new guest bed ( I was still in PJ’s).. not fun to answer the door in PJ’s with strange man standing behind you and Uncle on the other side… at least I put a bra on before they came over…. was not expecting Uncle Paul

Saturday night took Friend to the STAG.. he drank too much….

SOOOO

Sunday he threw up all day long

Yes yes all in all a good weekends work!

Hello all,

At 2pm on Thursday October 16,2008 my amazing cousin Laura gave birth to the most lovely little girl I have ever seen.

At 5:30 am I received an email from Laura, we were to go see The Duchess with Kira (needs to eat a sandwich) Knightly.  Movie’s at 4:35pm I’ll meet you there she said.  That day I had left my phone at home so I figured I would just meet her at the movie… We can all see where this is going.. note the time we were supposed to see the movie and the time she gave birth…

Yes after waiting for 20 mins.. buying a ticket… walking up and down the isles to find my very pregnant cousin I went home…

And found 1 call from her, 5 calls from her husband, 1 from her mom ( My Aunt Paula) and then 1 from my mom.  I figured something must be up!  I finally got to her and my poor Laura looked tired, beautiful but, tired.  I love her and love my new baby …okay not niece, umm second cousin… I know, I know..not the most closely related in the genetic line but something in me loves her.  She has lovely, long toes and didn’t wake up the whole time I was their but, none the less.. I love her.  I’m amazed that she was once a clump of cells, she was one germ cells ( egg and sperm) and now my darling Laura has created, with the help of Andy, a little creature…. This is why I love reproduction… how perfect is the creation of a life.. a little thing with toe nails and hair… AHHH Don’t get me wrong.. I have NO desire to house one of those little parasites in my womb.. I will not be pushing ANYTHING out of my special place!  I heard about all of the horrible things that can happen and did happen… and ACK I mean it’s wrong… but now I have both Avery Ellen and Olivia Claire ( my dearest friend Abby’s baby) and I can play with them.

Well enough about babies…

They are funny little alien looking things with very big heads and little chins.  They get gas, have yellow poop, and spend most of their time latched on to a boob!  They’re just like the men I date HA!

Welcome to the world my new little friends!

Hey all,

I’m better… No more sad.. for now.   and Brian thanks for the love but, I did find a red head… he just wasn’t the one.  I’m glad that Rhonda makes you so happy.

I actually found my red head.. it just didn’t quite work…

Yes but, after my blubbereing in the library I took my poor bike to my Woodland bike shop… and who do you suppose was there.. Yes Him  He was sitting on the counter on the front of a magazine cover…In MY bike shop!  I man behind the counter was not impressed that This was the guy who bought me my bike.. Oh no!… so in my haste to put that lovely face back I spilled the intire pile of mazines all over the floor and HE was everywhere…. 50 of him….. The guy helped me pick up the magazines and I left.. red faced, emotional… NEEDING a drink.

But I’m better today.  I have that lovely female skill to be very emotional one and and just fine the next.  Today I awoke, taught 44 students how to milk a cow and a goat.. then went on a 20 mile bike ride.

Was the ride easy.. no…  I chuged along at 13 mpr ( VERY SLOW) with the help of a very kind riding buddy who was VERY supportive.  The 20 miles made me realize a few very important things

1) I need padded shorts.  My butt was killing me after the ride.. well during the ride really! After the ride I was quite numb.

2) Gloves! More padding!  My hands go numb at mile 10 and I still have 10 more to go…. I’ve been told that gloves help with this numbness.

3) Look into clipped shoes.  It turns out that clipping into you bike pedals is actually more efficient then one would think.. See I fall alot so I figured that not being able to pull my feet off the pedals would be a hazzard to my health.  However, when you’ve clipped into the peddals you can not only push down to make the wheels turn but push up!  So you’ve got extra power and I’m for all the help I can get!

4) I am in charge of my own destiny!  If I can make plans with a new person to go for a 20 mile bike ride AND complete the ride!! I can do anything!  Yes the strong, intellegent woman is back! Go team Erin! WOO HOO

Who needs men?  Who needs relationships… I mean they really just end up failing, being boring and just SAD.  So I choose me! I choose STRONG,….. I choose 20 miles of open road on a bike!!!!

Woo hoo!  The awesome Andy ( Cousin Laura’s husband) has out done himself!  I now have a new door. a finished bedroom, with baseboards, and a refrigerator cubby.  After ~ 8 hours of hard labor… more Andy’s labor…  but I did paint my hallway.. Enchanted mist!  I also got a new bed A simmons angelique… yes yes a $3000 bed that I got for $269!!! Yes yes isn’t that awesome!!!   There was some crazy sale at the Macy’s Furnature Outlet this weekend that I have been waiting for!  I have been sleeping on a futon for this whole time… not that uncomfortable but it’s not my big fluffy bed that I’m used too…. But now I have my perfect sale bed that I’m loving!! It’s like sleeping on clouds

This part of my life is going swimmingly.. I also made a date with a girl who I TA with to go on a long bike ride 20 miles can you imagine!! I’m biking 20 miles.  I decided the UCD tri team was not for me… So I emailed the City of Davis Tri team ( The Mad Cows) and they were great!  The VP of membership emailed me back and was very possitive about me joining… and he had a great quote on his email :

“I believe cars are the new second hand smoke.” D. Zabriskie

So we know that this is at least an enviro friendly group/person

So hopefully that should work well… First meeting is Novemeber 21, I have a ways to go.

Well that’s all for tonight

I having been having a delima about ways to spend my time.  Do I spend all of my free time sanding, spackling, painting, weed pulling,unpacking and cleaning?  Do I spend my free time studying, reading,calculating, writing,grading, absorbing?  Do I spend my free time biking, swimming, running, walking my dog, atempting to navigate the confusing UC Davis Tri team website?  Do I spend my free time making friends, finding men, socializing?????  and what have I been doing? A little reading, a little homework, a little paint prep, a tad bit of biking, some socializing and I hate to say it.. A LOT of TV.  It’s a drug.. and it’s easy to do… very little thought goes into it.

I am going to work on being a better student, a better home owner, and GASP maybe a better athalete.  Maybe…. I have to start with going to work outs… and none of them seem to fit into my schedule.  Or do they not fit in because it’s not something I really feel comfortable doing.  If I could easily fit in with this group maybe It would work…. my inner nerd comes out. The girl who never got picked for any sport team…   How could I be on the tri team?

Deep breath.. I did fine on the 14 mile bike ride… actually I wasn’t even sore..

maybe I do have what it takes?

I have a new door.. If you remember I had a brown interior door as an exterior door.  Now because of my lovely cousin Laura and her amazing husband Andy I have a new door.  One that has a key pad so I can get into my house even when I loose my keys! Yeah no more midnight phone calls to friends to come let me in to my house   Woo hoo!!  I have also finished painting my bedroom… Slowly but surely!

I have rode with the Davis Tri team this morning.  I was in a group with mostly freshman.  They were happy about Davis and excited to be here.  I remember being them.. except I was miserable, missing home and feeling very much alone.  I don’t feel quite so alone now, in fact I feel like trying new stuff, living new lives, opening new doors ( see I can tie back to my door).  Even though very intimidated I think I will join the tri team.

Main reason fitness… alternate reason I said I would and really feel like I should follow through…   So I’m going to try or ‘Tri” HA.  I’m working on being a better person lately.  Trying to be more understanding, be a better friend, less of a procrastinator, less messy (if that’s possible for me), more assertive and more true to myself.  So far I’ve been more understanding and true to myself… It seems to be working. The bubbly, giggly always happy Erin does not exists.. okay, she exists but only in the smallest of senses.  I like who I am..

and I love my door!!