I am 30 years old… soon to be 31 and I still feel and quite franky act like a 25 year old. How does that feel? How does a 25 year old act you ask? I’m not sure… Like someone who doesn’t have a care in the world. Someone with no responsibilities, no pressing matters. Someone who isn’t supposed to be studying for one of the biggest tests of her life! Yes I’m supposed to be knee deep, no waist deep reproductive physiology and toxicology. I should be stressed and desperately reading notes and reviews and thinking of nothing but my studies. What am I doing? I’m watching Netflix. The adventures of Lois and Clark… remember that lovely show. Only lasted as long as it did because Dean Cane was sooo lovely ….. Terrible writing, terrible plot, terrible acting! but I watch it.. I’m on season 2 now. Would a 30 year old person be doing this? I’m an adult…. I own a home.. I have two dogs and countless other pets (although this could also be a sign of Peter Pan syndrome). Am I trying to sabotage myself? Am I writing this silly thing instead of studying? UG I find I watch these silly shows wishing I could be like the independent strong woman…. Maybe because I watch shows that are also linked to extremely good looking men.. Maybe it’s the love I want to have not the independent strong intelligence held by the heroine in all these stories. Or maybe I’m just procrastinating… which would be the easiest answer.
My Mom was 30 years old when she was pregnant with me.. 31 when she had me. I don’t think I could be responsible for a child… I can’t even keep enough greens for my bunny. I can’t even study for this stupid HUGE test that I need to pass!! Or practice my presentation for tomorrow…
Will I also be a person who flies by the seat of her pants? Never planning/ studying/ organizing…. no hard work? always doing what’s easy… According to my therapist I am not living up to my values. I value intelligence and hard work…. but that’s not what I do…
Ah well maybe I should head back to Lois and Clark. If I’m lucky maybe some of that drive will sink in and I’ll start studying…. Or a gorgeous man in blue tights will show up at my door!
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