I am 30 years old… soon to be 31 and I still feel and quite franky act like a 25 year old. How does that feel? How does a 25 year old act you ask? I’m not sure… Like someone who doesn’t have a care in the world. Someone with no responsibilities, no pressing matters. Someone who isn’t supposed to be studying for one of the biggest tests of her life! Yes I’m supposed to be knee deep, no waist deep reproductive physiology and toxicology. I should be stressed and desperately reading notes and reviews and thinking of nothing but my studies. What am I doing? I’m watching Netflix. The adventures of Lois and Clark… remember that lovely show. Only lasted as long as it did because Dean Cane was sooo lovely ….. Terrible writing, terrible plot, terrible acting! but I watch it.. I’m on season 2 now. Would a 30 year old person be doing this? I’m an adult…. I own a home.. I have two dogs and countless other pets (although this could also be a sign of Peter Pan syndrome). Am I trying to sabotage myself? Am I writing this silly thing instead of studying? UG I find I watch these silly shows wishing I could be like the independent strong woman…. Maybe because I watch shows that are also linked to extremely good looking men.. Maybe it’s the love I want to have not the independent strong intelligence held by the heroine in all these stories. Or maybe I’m just procrastinating… which would be the easiest answer.
My Mom was 30 years old when she was pregnant with me.. 31 when she had me. I don’t think I could be responsible for a child… I can’t even keep enough greens for my bunny. I can’t even study for this stupid HUGE test that I need to pass!! Or practice my presentation for tomorrow…
Will I also be a person who flies by the seat of her pants? Never planning/ studying/ organizing…. no hard work? always doing what’s easy… According to my therapist I am not living up to my values. I value intelligence and hard work…. but that’s not what I do…
Ah well maybe I should head back to Lois and Clark. If I’m lucky maybe some of that drive will sink in and I’ll start studying…. Or a gorgeous man in blue tights will show up at my door!
Filed under: Uncategorized
Today I spent hours walking around vast warrens of the most decedent food you can possibly imagine.
My darling friend Beth, of Avenue Z writing solutions, spoke at the Fancy Food Show in San Francisco. I couldn’t get my lazy butt out of bed and on to BART early to see her speak but, I was able to join her for round upon round of fancy food tasting. It was delightful!
There were a few trends that were noticed – I noticed two main ones
1) Sea salt on chocolate— every chocolate vendor not only had these tasty morsels but recommended you try their new flavor.
2) Bacon – I had a maple bacon marshmallow which I toasted before eating, bacon chocolate, bacon popcorn and bacon infused caviar. I even had BACON itself. Lovely! 
There was also flavored popcorn, flavored crackers, bison jerky, BBQ sauces… actually mainly sauces for everything…
A few stand outs in my book….
J-Burger – It’s a wonderful sauce that you add to ground meat and it tastes WONDERFUL! It’s like you’ve added the A-1 sauce to your meat!! YUM
Truffle Salt – I carried around a spoon and ate it plan with my finger …. this was also combined with truffle butter… ohhh so good!
Jamon cerado – They had the pig leg and everything! ohhhh I haven’t tasted the lovely salty goodness of cured ham in a long time. ( This booth also had pickled muscles!!!)
Cucumber water – lovely and refreshing after hours of eating and eating
and of course THE CHEESE—– Gorgonzola, Pecirino, Brie, Gouda, arugula Parmesan— so very very good! Countries were there so I spend quite some time devouring Italian cheese… ohhh so very very good!
Of course after this all of that lovely food congealed in my poor stomach and the Twillings Mint tea was a much needed distraction….
ahhh so very wonderful and what a wonderful day.
It did make me wonder about people who walk around and say YES I’ll take this chocolate pretzel and not that one.. or this olive oil would be perfect for dipping but THAT one is out. How would you even begin to tell anything apart after all of that food stimulation. At the end of the day I couldn’t tell an olive from a petite fore.
However, this is what you do in large conferences in scientific meetings. You can’t possibly see and absorb everything in those large rooms. It’s also what I need to do when reading scientific literature. A divide and conquer technique needs to be used in order to slowly absorb all the needed information. Then you decide what you should be reading. A paper on cellular mechanism verses and epidemiology paper. Salted caramel versus Salted dark chocolate.
If only reading was like eating… on the plus size reading doesn’t leave you needing a shot of pepto bismol after!
The one thing I would have added was pickles… Where were the pickles???
Filed under: Uncategorized
I have finally settled down to prime and paint the horrible front room of my cute little house. The front of my house used to be a porch but, the horrible little man who owned it before me put up three very crappy dry wall slabs to enclose the porch and then painted it an icky dirty brown. I haven’t fixed the structure that was so painfully put up but I have sanded and primed it! 
It will soon be a lovely green like my living room!
As I settled back into the grind of painting… which I truly hate doing… I contemplated the use of priming a room. You put a thin layer of white paint and cover up the mistakes of the previous colors, giving you a clean surface to work with. Wiping away the past.
Not only are you clearing the past but you’re prepping for your new color. With the fresh white coat you can ensure that the color you’re picked will be show cased to the best of it’s ability and that the number of coats will be limited to one coat of pure vibrant color.
So as I grudgingly primed my little crappy room I thought about how I’m priming myself for life. I am laying down the ground work for my future scientific career. The many hours I spend reading, the time I spend dosing piglets with anti-androgens, the negotiations with my professor and the bending to make sure everything works… all this will make me.. whatever it is that I end up being.
So I will prime away.. both my house and my life!
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I wrote that I should have said “I Love you” to a boyfriend from my past. I take that back. I should have said Goodbye. I so wanted to be with him that I convinced myself it was fine that he flat out didn’t love me. I looked into his face as he said that he didn’t love and my heart broke, left my breath knocked out of me… devastated.
What did I do? I pretended it didn’t exist. I even told him that that night didn’t exist and it never happened. He had no clue what I was even talking about.
What should I have done. What would have been a more honest solution to this pathetic situation? Saying ‘Goodbye’ would have been better. I should have been strong enough to say ‘ I’m love you but you don’t feel the same… this has been a wonderful 9 months but I have to say Goodbye’. ” I have to say goodbye because I care about myself to much AND I care about you to much to stay while you don’t love me” ” I deserve someone who loves me and someone I can love… openly”
So I change my previous statement… What I would have done is said goodbye. I would have been horribly crushed and those 3 extra months I got to spend with ‘Mr. Perfect’ would not have existed. However, a little bit of pain would have been worth my self esteem. I would have been able to believe that I was worth someone who loved me.
That needs to be a mantra if I ever date again… ” I DO deserve someone who loves me!”
Filed under: Men
On January 1st 2010 at 8 am someone woke me out of a deep sleep. I opened my eyes to 300 lbs of naked male…. Not a pleasant sight! The 300 lbs proceeded to ask if I wanted to have sex with it.. at 8 am… Did I mention I was also suffering from a nasty cold??
As unpleasant as this wake up call was I had to reflex back on my year and really take it as a wake up call. How did I get here? Why would anyone feel this was an acceptable way to wake someone up, someone they wished to con into having sex with them. How did I get into this and how can I NEVER be in this situation again.
300 lbs did make my list of random hook-ups within the last year. I was sad, he was there, obviously not picky. This is where the situation began. I love random kissing! I love everything about kissing. Lips and tongue and arms and noses. Yes noses
However, my love of random kissing has lead to waking up with the view of 300 lbs of naked.
New plan! Random kissing is to fun to not do. This year I will embark on smart random kissing! Kissing of men that I am attracted to. That is the first part of the plan! The second part of the plan is be very clear about my wants. I want to kiss you. I never want to have sex with you. I want to enjoy this night. I never want to see you again.
Being clear will solve my problems in the future! I hope…
When I re-read this post a year from now I’m going to hope that I’m not shocked at how similar my two years were!!!!
I’m supposed to write about three incidences where I wanted to say something to people but didn’t. I usually don’t tell people what I’m feeling, really feeling, for fear of losing them. If I’m always nice then no one can be mad at me, no one can leave… They have no reason to leave. Usually I don’t tell people what I feel when I’ve been hurt or they’ve royally pissed me off. In this insistence I was afraid of a disconnect by saying ‘I Love you’.
I wish I had said it. When I felt it. I wish I had no texted it at midnight while he was riding home on a train. It would possibly have caused an earlier break up then desired. I was not being honest with myself at all. I didn’t speak up because I was scared silly that he didn’t feel the same. 9 months with nothing… not a word..
I didn’t say anything for fear he’d flip out and take off. No shock when I did open up he did flip out and take off. However, that is a different story…
This story has nothing to do with the guy… This is about that fact that I wasn’t able to be honest about something so very important to me. I wasn’t able to say ‘I love you’. So I was with someone I loved and didn’t feel comfortable saying it.
Now my therapist says… What would have helped you open up?…… Uhhhhh….. Maybe had I been honest with myself? Realized that it sucked being with someone who I couldn’t be honest about my feelings with….
Maybe had I realized that it would feel so much better to open up and be honest… although in the end it didn’t really feel any better.
So in the future what would I like to do. I would like to be honest with my feelings… No matter what… no matter what happens I will be honest because my experience is important too! My feelings were important to me.. even if they would have ended everything. I have to realize that an ending is not necessarily a problem. That disconnect is not the worst thing.
It feels like the worst thing! Looking someone in the face and being so honest about something they really don’t want to hear. He really didn’t want to hear that yet another girl had fallen for him. I knew that. In honesty I knew he wasn’t interested in anything I felt..
Was it self preservation or fear? I’m going with fear. All of the other guys I”v said it to have been friends. So it was easy. I say it to my friends easily. What if I can’t even say I love you again?
NO… this is silly… change the terminology…. I will in the future be able to say it… even if there is fear of disconnect!
I feel a tightening in my chest just thinking about it. I can feel my stomach mclenching. Crazy nervous! Strange that a visualization can make you feel so much……
I wish I had said I Love you…earlier….
Filed under: Uncategorized
I am now trying to write up an assignment for a course I’m taking. Yesterday I sat and started at my computer… and the TV for hours! Today I have done the same thing. This is not a difficult assignment, I do not consider it difficult. What is my problem??
This is where all of my frustrations begin! I am crazy messy and if could spend an hour a day to do laundry, mop the floor, or do the dishes, my cozy little house would not be so un-welcoming. I’m to run a half marathon in January.. am I training? NO.. I can’t even go run a mile.. I have to force myself! I enjoy it afterward, love it in fact…. but to get myself to do it is hard…
UG!!
So now I’m trying to write… just a page…
This is that commitment thing I was talking about. I need to commit to writing this assignment! Commit to writing this thing BEFORE 5 pm tomorrow!
Okay going to write… maybe a grilled cheese and tomato will help the process…
Did I mention commit to weight loss??
UG
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Last night I ventured to a 80′s themed Halloween party. Not knowing many people I fell back on my social lubricant, shots of whatever alcohol they offered up. Ummm Vodka… Jill would be proud… Ketel One… so at least it was shots of quality alcohol. This along with an empty stomach lead to a VERY drunk Erin. Earlier in the evening I was introduced to some guy… Nice guy but not my type… Yes I know a very shallow sentiment considering that long list of qualities I posted… none of which had anything to do with looks!
But as per usual Drunk Erin = Flirty Erin and that leads to Sluty Erin…..
This is not my problem…. it was fun to drag some guy back to my house ( well he drive but….) and happily have my way with him. The sex was forgettable, nothing to exciting but nothing horrible. So there was the forgettable tussle and then a happy drunk Erin fell asleep…. But apparently Mister forgettable couldn’t sleep or didn’t sleep or whatever… At 6 am He became Mr. Chatterbox… bla bla bla Ocean… bla bla bla breeze.. bla bla bla bla bla.. nothing was important or interesting or thought provoking .. just talking. Now I understand.. this poor guy was stuck in my house, got his sex and now just wanted to go home! He was dependent on me to drive him back to his truck so was strained. Seriously though enough with the constant verbal drool…
I tried sex to get him to shut up but nothing worked. The only way to shut him up was to drag my self out of bed at 7 am and take him back to his car.
In truth most people don’t have anything interesting to say. Yours truly included. Yet we have figured out how to display the unremarkable thoughts, this verbal droll, these nonsensical thoughts for other unremarkables to read. Who cares what Big Jim thought about the latest football game or Susie Ann’s new knitting project. Even my endless chatter about my insipid problems are not necessary for people to read… is it helpful to talk and hope that someone listens? Even if what your saying means nothing? Are people so lonely that they need to say something and have it recognized?
Or do people not understand that what they are spewing all over the internet is not important… Did Mr. Chatterbox feel like he was adding to my life by talking at me for an hour.. or was he using the talk as a torture tool to get me out of bed, which I gota tell you was unnecessary….. either way a new rule… No talking while I’m still sleeping. If you get sex then I get peace. Just a few moments away from the constant talking.
Filed under: Uncategorized
So I’ve been told that my problem is not motivation. Motivation is the desire to do something… and I desire! I desire to finish my PhD, I have desire to get in good shape, I have desire to be everything I’ve always dreamed. My problem is not motivation it’s commitment. Commitment is when you actually do what you are motivated to do. Sooo I’m motivated to plant a winter garden but am I committed? Have I gone outside on this blustery day and turned over my grass into dirt for planting? No… no I haven’t….. But what am I committed to? What have I done today? I have watched TV, I have slept, and I have eaten… ice cream. So I am committed… to being lazy. This is not what my therapist says being committed to my values. I do not value TV… I do value ice cream but not in favor of eating it all day long.
So how do I become committed? How do I stay true to my values and accomplish all of my goals? My method at the moment isn’t working so I need a new one. My therapist says I need to schedule in my tasks. Actually put them in my phone and set and alarm to remind me that they are there….. waiting…..okay… I can do that.
For now however I”m going to take a shower and begin again! I’m going to start all over again with a shower! After that I’m going to a concert with my friend and enjoy myself….. fun and fun
maybe get some food! Food would be good
Okay! I’m scheduling in food! and scheduling in commitment!
Filed under: 11779679, Political Disbelief | Tags: Debates, Sarah Palin, The Stag
Hey all,
Today I met a few other Grad students at a bar called the Stag, a tiny dive bar on YES Main St., to watch the VP debates. The bar consisted of the four of us educated folk… and a few others at the other end of the bar..maybe not so educated. I watched with horror as Palin argued for the wonder of the trickle down theory, quoted Regan on several occasions, and smiled brightly at the camera claiming to be part of Main St. middle America. I need to ask you.. since when is Alaska middle America. As far as I knew it was up on the top, closer to Russia then Georgia/Nebraska/Missouri.. you know those states right in the middle. In fact the on thing this woman was able to say with strong commitment was that she did not agree with Gay marraige. Well thank you for clearing that up! and by the way shame on you Biden for not supporting gay marraige. At least didn’t say Talibanies!!!!
Well not a huge shock… for a month this woman has been training for this debate. She should at least be able to string a few words together. I mean hey, she did preside over Alaska as Governor… what they have all of 15,000 people?? We have more then that in LA.
But on the upside I biked to the Stag..had a few beers.. and biked home without falling over!
I went to the UC Davis Tri team meeting… it had a lot of very young undergrads, very interested in hearing themselves speak… but the coach seemed great… a team in training coach who will coach me on running, biking and swimming… So I get two weeks to work out with them and I get to see how I like it….
We shall see…..
Have a great day
Erin
Filed under: Uncategorized
I have a new door.. If you remember I had a brown interior door as an exterior door. Now because of my lovely cousin Laura and her amazing husband Andy I have a new door. One that has a key pad so I can get into my house even when I loose my keys! Yeah no more midnight phone calls to friends to come let me in to my house Woo hoo!! I have also finished painting my bedroom… Slowly but surely!
I have rode with the Davis Tri team this morning. I was in a group with mostly freshman. They were happy about Davis and excited to be here. I remember being them.. except I was miserable, missing home and feeling very much alone. I don’t feel quite so alone now, in fact I feel like trying new stuff, living new lives, opening new doors ( see I can tie back to my door). Even though very intimidated I think I will join the tri team.
Main reason fitness… alternate reason I said I would and really feel like I should follow through… So I’m going to try or ‘Tri” HA. I’m working on being a better person lately. Trying to be more understanding, be a better friend, less of a procrastinator, less messy (if that’s possible for me), more assertive and more true to myself. So far I’ve been more understanding and true to myself… It seems to be working. The bubbly, giggly always happy Erin does not exists.. okay, she exists but only in the smallest of senses. I like who I am..
and I love my door!!
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I having been having a delima about ways to spend my time. Do I spend all of my free time sanding, spackling, painting, weed pulling,unpacking and cleaning? Do I spend my free time studying, reading,calculating, writing,grading, absorbing? Do I spend my free time biking, swimming, running, walking my dog, atempting to navigate the confusing UC Davis Tri team website? Do I spend my free time making friends, finding men, socializing????? and what have I been doing? A little reading, a little homework, a little paint prep, a tad bit of biking, some socializing and I hate to say it.. A LOT of TV. It’s a drug.. and it’s easy to do… very little thought goes into it.
I am going to work on being a better student, a better home owner, and GASP maybe a better athalete. Maybe…. I have to start with going to work outs… and none of them seem to fit into my schedule. Or do they not fit in because it’s not something I really feel comfortable doing. If I could easily fit in with this group maybe It would work…. my inner nerd comes out. The girl who never got picked for any sport team… How could I be on the tri team?
Deep breath.. I did fine on the 14 mile bike ride… actually I wasn’t even sore..
maybe I do have what it takes?
I was driving behind a car today anf their bumper sticker said “Don’t litter, Spay and Neuter”. An admirable all around suggestion for the way we care for our planet and for our pets. Yes this person was using a bumper sticker to combine two things she felt very deeply about…well enough to display it on her car. Yes she said “Nuts” to having the multitude of witty bumper stickers pasted all over her car. Using funny qups to spell out her anger about dirty sidewalks and an abundance of puppies.. was not this woman’s deal. No, simple and to the point. She has obviously decided her causes. I then watched her pull into a Jack in the Box. So obviously her cause was not health food, workers rights, or enivronmenal responsibility.
Which brings me to my question .. Which causes do you choose? I have environmentally friendly paint, and home cleaners, but I waste tons of water taking my luxsurious showers (~20 mins)…. I have spayed and neutered my pets but, I let my cats out sides.. very bad for the local wild birds ( although I don’t think they can catch them)… I recycle but I get those paper cups with my coffee in the morning instead of using my many reusable travel mugs. I read the BBC but I watch TV shows like Gray’s anatomy and I’m much more up on Meridth’s view on McDreamy then McCain’s view on farming subsidy.
Well I’m just trying to do my best.. I guess that’s all any of us can do. I mean no one is perfect.. everyone does something that’s not great for our plant/popultion/education and so on….
Okay well one person comes to mind…. but Mr. Perfect doesn’t count!
And really who wants to be perfect!
as long as this lady is Spaying and Neutering her pets AND not littering…she can eat whereever she wants…. most likely she’s doing better then most.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Woo hoo! The awesome Andy ( Cousin Laura’s husband) has out done himself! I now have a new door. a finished bedroom, with baseboards, and a refrigerator cubby. After ~ 8 hours of hard labor… more Andy’s labor… but I did paint my hallway.. Enchanted mist! I also got a new bed A simmons angelique… yes yes a $3000 bed that I got for $269!!! Yes yes isn’t that awesome!!! There was some crazy sale at the Macy’s Furnature Outlet this weekend that I have been waiting for! I have been sleeping on a futon for this whole time… not that uncomfortable but it’s not my big fluffy bed that I’m used too…. But now I have my perfect sale bed that I’m loving!! It’s like sleeping on clouds
This part of my life is going swimmingly.. I also made a date with a girl who I TA with to go on a long bike ride 20 miles can you imagine!! I’m biking 20 miles. I decided the UCD tri team was not for me… So I emailed the City of Davis Tri team ( The Mad Cows) and they were great! The VP of membership emailed me back and was very possitive about me joining… and he had a great quote on his email :
“I believe cars are the new second hand smoke.” D. Zabriskie
So we know that this is at least an enviro friendly group/person
So hopefully that should work well… First meeting is Novemeber 21, I have a ways to go.
Well that’s all for tonight
I am a strong, intelligent female! This is a true statement that I repeat to myself all the time. Even more so when his little green light goes on. I spent the last year falling in love with someone so very wonderful. He’s smart, well read, up to date on political problem, ecological, so on and so on…… He ended my blissful world of fantasy when in February, 9 months of dating, family holidays, friend meeting, he says he doesn’t love me. and the strong, intelligent woman crumbles. I died. For someone who isn’t that important in the whole scheme of things. Someone who doesn’t love me doesn’t get to count..right. Why is it that months later I replay that scene in my head. I remember how that felt, I get teary eyed. and I compare every man in my vicinity to him.
I hate that men effect me so…. I have now fallen back into naughty phone calls with an ex. We have made it quite clear that this is only for sex, no boyfriend/girlfriend silliness. Which works out just fine… until I remember him… how I felt…how I feel. Not that my Marine and I can really be anything… we’d kill each other..but I want that feeling, that high of loving someone. Floating out of their house in the morning after rolling out of bed with the most glorious person you’ve ever met and knowing you’ll see them again and again… that is until they revel that they don’t love you… and never have….
Ug and I should be focused on Multivariate regression, estrogen in Sertoli cells and well to be quite honest finishing up alligator hormone work… but no.. he lingers. Tugging at my brain stem when I ride the bike that he got me… He’s pointing out Obama signs and mocking McCain… he’s there always. and I hate it!
So I’m writing.. because I’m sitting in the UC Davis Library waiting for my second hour of Multivariate stats today and crying… I’m crying! SO I sit and write.. to the void… to whoever reads this ( my darling friends) so that I can get a grasp on my pathetic behavior.
My bike fell of my car today… actually the whole bike rack fell off my car today. I picked it up and fixed it! I fixed it… put the chains back on and everything… this may not be an accomplishment for most but it was for me…. The wheels need to be trued??? so I’m taking it to my local bike shop to see if they can help.. all the Davis bike places are busy due to the bike auction this weekend. People buy crappy bikes and flood the bike shops to make them work.
All will be well… I get over these things..I have in the past ( usually after much emotion)…..
I just wish to be done with it all now! So I listen to Abba and type my woe.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Hey all,
I’m better… No more sad.. for now. and Brian thanks for the love but, I did find a red head… he just wasn’t the one. I’m glad that Rhonda makes you so happy.
I actually found my red head.. it just didn’t quite work…
Yes but, after my blubbereing in the library I took my poor bike to my Woodland bike shop… and who do you suppose was there.. Yes Him He was sitting on the counter on the front of a magazine cover…In MY bike shop! I man behind the counter was not impressed that This was the guy who bought me my bike.. Oh no!… so in my haste to put that lovely face back I spilled the intire pile of mazines all over the floor and HE was everywhere…. 50 of him….. The guy helped me pick up the magazines and I left.. red faced, emotional… NEEDING a drink.
But I’m better today. I have that lovely female skill to be very emotional one and and just fine the next. Today I awoke, taught 44 students how to milk a cow and a goat.. then went on a 20 mile bike ride.
Was the ride easy.. no… I chuged along at 13 mpr ( VERY SLOW) with the help of a very kind riding buddy who was VERY supportive. The 20 miles made me realize a few very important things
1) I need padded shorts. My butt was killing me after the ride.. well during the ride really! After the ride I was quite numb.
2) Gloves! More padding! My hands go numb at mile 10 and I still have 10 more to go…. I’ve been told that gloves help with this numbness.
3) Look into clipped shoes. It turns out that clipping into you bike pedals is actually more efficient then one would think.. See I fall alot so I figured that not being able to pull my feet off the pedals would be a hazzard to my health. However, when you’ve clipped into the peddals you can not only push down to make the wheels turn but push up! So you’ve got extra power and I’m for all the help I can get!
4) I am in charge of my own destiny! If I can make plans with a new person to go for a 20 mile bike ride AND complete the ride!! I can do anything! Yes the strong, intellegent woman is back! Go team Erin! WOO HOO
Who needs men? Who needs relationships… I mean they really just end up failing, being boring and just SAD. So I choose me! I choose STRONG,….. I choose 20 miles of open road on a bike!!!!
Filed under: Uncategorized
Hello all,
At 2pm on Thursday October 16,2008 my amazing cousin Laura gave birth to the most lovely little girl I have ever seen.
At 5:30 am I received an email from Laura, we were to go see The Duchess with Kira (needs to eat a sandwich) Knightly. Movie’s at 4:35pm I’ll meet you there she said. That day I had left my phone at home so I figured I would just meet her at the movie… We can all see where this is going.. note the time we were supposed to see the movie and the time she gave birth…
Yes after waiting for 20 mins.. buying a ticket… walking up and down the isles to find my very pregnant cousin I went home…
And found 1 call from her, 5 calls from her husband, 1 from her mom ( My Aunt Paula) and then 1 from my mom. I figured something must be up! I finally got to her and my poor Laura looked tired, beautiful but, tired. I love her and love my new baby …okay not niece, umm second cousin… I know, I know..not the most closely related in the genetic line but something in me loves her. She has lovely, long toes and didn’t wake up the whole time I was their but, none the less.. I love her. I’m amazed that she was once a clump of cells, she was one germ cells ( egg and sperm) and now my darling Laura has created, with the help of Andy, a little creature…. This is why I love reproduction… how perfect is the creation of a life.. a little thing with toe nails and hair… AHHH Don’t get me wrong.. I have NO desire to house one of those little parasites in my womb.. I will not be pushing ANYTHING out of my special place! I heard about all of the horrible things that can happen and did happen… and ACK I mean it’s wrong… but now I have both Avery Ellen and Olivia Claire ( my dearest friend Abby’s baby) and I can play with them.
Well enough about babies…
They are funny little alien looking things with very big heads and little chins. They get gas, have yellow poop, and spend most of their time latched on to a boob! They’re just like the men I date HA!
Welcome to the world my new little friends!
Filed under: Uncategorized
This weekend I was to spend the whole time working on my house. Yes I was to paint, remove linoleum, fix my plumbing, move my gas line and get my stove. I even had a dear friend heading up to help with my heafty load of work…. He also was to help with my needing sex problem. What happened do you ask?
Friday woke up with a horrible cold and my period
The plumber came and moved my gas line… Note:If you need to move a gas line you use a plumber to do it.
My stove came!! and was hooked up to my newly moved gas line woo hoo
Then I took my dear friend on a tour of Davis…..
and fell asleep
Saturday — still to sick to do anything but lay on the couch
Except when my Uncle Paul and Cousin ANdy came over with my new guest bed ( I was still in PJ’s).. not fun to answer the door in PJ’s with strange man standing behind you and Uncle on the other side… at least I put a bra on before they came over…. was not expecting Uncle Paul
Saturday night took Friend to the STAG.. he drank too much….
SOOOO
Sunday he threw up all day long
Yes yes all in all a good weekends work!
Now that my “Work Weekend” is over, my stats homework done, and all quiz grades entered I will be educating myself on the propositions.. Yes I know what I’m supposed to vote for.. well against really but, what do they REALLY mean??
Proposition 1A– High Speed Train– Erin says YES
This is for a 9.95 billion bond obligation.
Who’s supporting it: Legue of conservation voters, California Nurses etc….
http://www.californiahighspeedtrains.com/
I’m pro this! Go public transport, down with oil and poluting cars!
Proposition 2 — Farm Animal Welfare– Erin say “No”
This kills me to say no but, the infrasture isn’t around to support housing laying hens without cages. There are people at Davis working on chicken welfare with chicken producers but, this proposition may push them out of the state. They can then do whatever they want to these little feather lovers.
NOt enough science to make this work…
Costs: Only to producers.. although egg/pork/veal prices may increase
Who’s against : UC Davis, Los Angeles Times, San Francisco Chronicle
Who’s for: Humane Society, Toby Maguire
Proposition 3 : Children’s Hospital Bond Act– Erin says YES
Funds construction of children’s hospitals
Cost: $980 million
Who’s for it: Los Angeles Times
Against: National Tax Limitation committee
Come on money for sick kids?? Who can say no to that!
Proposition 4— Abortion waiting period and parental notification initiative — Erin says NO, NO NO
PROHIBIT abortion for up to 48 hours AFTER parental notification!!! Erin saysthis is wrong!! Another chunk out of our female rights! BAD BAD
Cost: Only to the feminine reproduictive rights
Who’s for: Gov. Arnold Schwarzeneggar ,
Who’s against: American Academy of Pediatrics, California Teachers Association
Proposition 5 — Non violent rehabilitation— Erin says… Yes I think…
I’m pro the rehabilitation of drug users.. taking them out of the system more quickly and making them productive members of society..
However, the negitives are a very expensive rehab program that we really can’t afford, may be used to get out of being charged for real crimes by saying drugs made me do it….
But I think I’m sticking with YES
Pro: Drug Policy alliance network
Against: Gray Davis and Pete Wilson
Proposition 6 — Tougher sentancing on gang related youth– Erin Says NO
Basically this proposition takes money from schools so we can put kids in prision! NO!!
For: The California State Sheriffs’ Association,
Against: The League of Women Voters AND MANY OTHERS
Proposition 7 — Renewable energy– Erin says NO
This one pains me to say no just like 2… but the technology isn’t around to support this ballot. Setting us up to fail… Just like Prop 2
Against: Everyone.. Republican and Democrate parties… even the Sierra Club
Proposition 8 — California Maraiage protection act– Erin says NO NO NO!!
Denying people the right to marrage is WRONG!!!
Even though I wasn’t planning on doing it others should be able to!!!
Proposition 9 — Victim’s rights and protection act– Erin says NO
Apparently this has already been passed in 1982 with proposition 8… So very little would amount from this.
Against: California Teachers association
Proposition 10 – California Alternative Fuels– Erin says NO
Same as prop 7… not enough technology….
Proposition 11 — Voters FIRST act— Erin says NO
This is to redistrict California.. drawing lines to change votes… Not good… besides have the public decide anything.. this is NOT good!!
For: League of Women Voters, AARP
Against: Barbara Boxer, and Nancy Pelosi
Proposition 12 — Farms for Veterans— Erin says YES
I’m pro giving people the right to buy houses.. seeing as I just did it… but they’re on their own with the painting!! I’m still trying to get mine done…..
For: Gov.. Arnie again!!
Against: The Libertarian Party of California
Well good luck to all!! MAKE SURE YOU VOTE!!!
Filed under: Uncategorized
Hello all,
I’m supposed to be finishing/starting my statistics midterm. Instead I write about the amazing very unstatistical occurances that have happened. Obama has won. We have an African- American man in the white house. He is actually an African American as his dad came from Africa. We have seen our country change these past 8 years. We have seen the chirstain right serge forward and fight to take away human rights. They are attacking abortion, gay marraige, free speech, immigration, socialized health care, the endangered species act, national parks, environmental laws and on and on and on….
Now they have meet their match. The cruel, wicked, heartlessness people will now have to take a seat to well another batch of heartless people. Just these people want to look like the ACTUALLY care.
I sat in a bar in Davis and jumped up and down when the states flashed blue. Everyone got a tad bit teary eyed when our next president spoke using three sylable words…and pronounced them correctly. We can only cross our fingers and hope that this man will live up to his hype. Will fight the ignorance and dumbing down of America that has marked our country for 8 very long years!
Unfortunately, California passed proposition 8, a ban on gay marriage. California passed a law to protect chickens but, two people in love have been forbiden to marry. It is a very sad turn of events and makes one question if California is really all THAT progressive. Although we didn’t ban them from adopting which is what happened in Arkansas.
Well lets hope that our future is more enlightened and we will be lifted out of the dark ages!!
Back to Stats
It is now 2009. I am in the UC Davis Animal Biology PhD program… Sold my soul to this program so that I may one day achieve my goals, dreams. With my knowledge and power I will change the world (in 5 years). For now I’m dealing with the small changes I need to make in my life……..
1. Focus on “WILL POWER”
Things that I know I need to do.. study, clean, wash my face/brush my teeth at night, exercise… all fall into the will power category. I need to focus on what drives me. Why don’t I clean my car? or even take the trash out when I get home! Why? Why don’t I clean my house? or my rabbit cage? Why don’t I stop eating when I’m not hungry??
Now that I have all these questions I’m going to put my plan into action. First I signed up for a running class and a swimming class so that I have a forced exercise regime. Monday, Wednesday…. running. Tuesday, Thursday…. Swimming. If I’m forced into activity for three months I’m hoping I’ll crave it when the quarter ends. or I’ll just take another class…
Now for the house cleaning… I’m going to clean one room per day…
Monday— Kitchen
Tuesday– Bathroom
Wednesday– Bedroom
Thursday– Living room
Friday– pet room
Every other week on Tuesday I’ll also be cleaning my guest room for Jill!
Okay now car… Every two weeks (before Jill comes in) I’ll be taking it to a car wash unless it starts to get to expensive.. then I’ll reevaluate!
As for face washing/brushing my teeth??? I’m going to try and enjoy it? That may have to wait until next year….
I went to see Milk yesterday. The story about the first openly gay man, Harvey Milk, elected to political office. He was, of course, the city supervisor of San Francisco. He put together an ordanance to protect gay rights and fought against the Briggs Initiative which would strip gay teachers of their jobs. It was eery watching Harvey’s team color in the countys turn green ( against) and red (for)…. It might as well have been Novemeber 2, 2008.. Watching in horror as our great state made it a consitutional amendment to keep two adult from marrying. In Milk, the Briggs Initiative did not pass. It was a great victory for the homosexual movement. As Milk says in the movie ” This is not my issue…This is my life!” How true… how very true. This man saw a need for change that started with one ruined roll of film and turned into a strong political movement that today stands strong. Milk began at age 40…. and was shot before his 50th birthday.
I’m 29… I will be turning 30 … well soon. What have I done? What changes have I made? I left this movie filled with the need to change the world.. Yes I thought! Pick an issue and fight for it! Join a club, start a club!
But what would my issue be? As a typical liberal I find that my simpathies seem to be split into many directions.
Endangered Species… This one is an obvious interest of mine. The reason I’m in a PhD program is to conduct research that will help wildlife reproduce, both in the wild and captiveity. So great! That’s hat I’ll fight for! Give to the Roots and Shoots program through Jane Goodall Foundation. A program to help small communities around the Gombe national forest so they stop chopping down the home of the Chipanzees…
Or give to WWF, World Wildlife Fund…. UG
But wait… I also care about the Environment
Do I get solar panels for my home? Bike everywhere like my sainted Ex “Mr. Perfect”? Compost..Recycle.. Join R4 , the UC Davis recycling program?? Now I do recycle ( I have the bin), I’m putting up a compost pile… I used environmentally friendly paint and cleaners… that’s not enough.. Would Harvey Milk have stopped at that??
But wait…. What about Reproductive health
I’m a strong component of the right for women to choose what to do with their bodies. THis includes sex education, free contraceptives and thr right to abortion…
Do I give to Planed Parenthood? My dear friend Jill does that?? Do I join a program that brings education to inner city kids… Do I start a counseling group for young women and men who want to understand their bodies….
Buit Wait… What about health care, workers rights, ocean health, national parks, education, the growing epidemic of illiteracy…….
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
And that’s when I become overwhelmed. My darling friend Beth started a food drive during the holidays and brought in at least 2 tons of food for local banks.
My amazing friend Abby runs Ag against Hunger, a program that provides fresh produce to food banks…
I.. I go to class… Teach UC Students and drink beer…..
Well I can fix somethings… I fixed a lamp that was broken… now it won’t go into a landfill and I won’t buy another and support big companies that don’t care for their employees…..
It’s a start
Oh and I washed my face and brushed my teeth last night before bed and then again this morning!!
I have now owned my wonderful cozy home for one year! I love my home… the hard wood floors, the brightly colored walls, the clean white base boards…. I did this all myself! Yes there are things I need to fix:
Paint the kitchen Ceiling/ put baseboards in the kitchen
Paint the laundry room
Do something with the ‘lawn’ I have outside… put in drought tolerant native plants
Ohhh get copper pipping in my house
get a continuous water heater It’s more energy efficient
Plant a second tree
Yes yes yes lots of items on this list….
But during this year I have learned a few things…. You see I started in therapy… and I’m supposed to work on looking at life on both sides of the coin. So I’m looking at everything I have done with my lovely house in the past year…. another list:
Painting, baseboards, curtains, light fixtures, ceiling fans, leather couches, coffee table, TV stand, new bed, fridge, stove, washer dryer, a succulent garden, pomegranate tree, honeysuckle vine, lavender……
There is so much in life that I haven’t done or feel like I haven’t done well or that I’m always doing something wrong. I’m constantly telling myself I haven’t done this or that right and soon everyone will hate me….. but if you flip the coin I’ve done something else… that means something else… that could be even better then what I was beating myself up about.
So I’m trying to flip the coin! Here’s me… flipping the coin!
Filed under: Uncategorized
Seeing as it’s January and everyone is making New Years resolutions I thought this would be the perfect time to re-visit by blog.
For the past three years I have been trudging along through my PhD program. Ok so trudging is the wrong word. I have been excelling! I have won poster presentations, teaching awards and passed my qualifying exam with flying colors. I went from representing my department as a graduate student representative to representing the graduate students of my campus. I have run, albeit slowly, several half marathons and loved every moment of them. I own an cute little home, have a host of pets that I love and a ton of glorious friends whom I could never live without.
So what’s the problem? I seem disgustingly put together….
Well my problem is me. I tell myself multiple times a day that I’m just not good enough. I’m not doing enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not athletic enough, not a good enough pet owner/home owner/friend. It gets exhausting being so crewel to myself.
My motivation to do anything has waned. My psyche needs an umph! To do this I’ve been trying a few things.
Therapy has been an amazing help. I’m starting to catch myself when the pummeling begins. I can stop now and say ”Hey is this really necessary? Must you be so mean to this poor girl? What did she ever do to you?” and although the Therapy has greatly helped my mental health, my motivation is still at a low. So next Thursday I’m going in to the psychiatrist to get accessed for a need for medication. I’m not expecting that popping a pill will fix all of my problems. I’m just hoping that some of my prior motivation will return.
Besides all of that I’m trying to simply wash my dishes, take my dogs for walks and return emails on a timely bases.
Here’s hoping! Welcome 2012!
